iDon't Believe
by kurt-york
Summary: Maybe this dysfunctional relationship will be the death of them, will drive them to the brink of insanity, but they wouldn’t have it any other way.


She doesn't believe in fairy tales.

She learned long ago that the only time they were real was in dreams and imagination.

Her mom was young. She didn't blame her for wanting to have some fun. Her dad left with empty hugs and unspoken goodbyes when she was a kid …but it didn't matter, she was never close to him anyway.

He had taken with him the last remnants of her childhood and the one remaining shred of hope that maybe fairy tales do come true.

She became the adult. She had to take care of her sister, and sometimes her mom. She grew a hard shell and made it hard for people to be close to her.

Carly had been the bright eyed little girl, decked out in pink and ribbons, who had stood up for her when the other kids were making fun of her ripped up shoes. Sam could've beat them up with one hand tied behind her back, but it was nice to know that someone was there for her, that someone could see past her rude demeanor. They had eventually tried to push Carly into the rough asphalt but Sam had beaten them up, because that's what she did. Carly had, over the course of several years, slowly become Sam's best and maybe only _real_ friend.

But, it was hard to let _him_ in. Maybe it was because he reminded her of childhood, of sand castles being built, of laughs lost in the whirl of merry go rounds. Maybe she teased him about his mom because she was jealous; jealous that his mom loved him enough to feed him healthy food, to care about what he did (although she'd never admit it).

Something about him drew her in. She reveled in their fights, finally felt like she had met her match. She liked him best when he lost his calm to fiery fits of anger.

But she would never tell him, and he would never know.

-

He doesn't believe in fairy tales.

When he lost his dad, he lost his trust.

Then he met Carly, the girl that had a positive outlook on life and was too nice for her own good. It was instantaneous, this girl was special, and he was "in love". It had been so clear to him, drawn and planned, that Carly was the one.

He gained back a small fraction of belief in fairy tales.

_She_ was a different story. She brought with her pain, embarrassment and rejection. Her words cut like knives at first but gradually faded to a dull numbing pain. She brought him down to earth with a resounding crash from his dreams of "happily ever after" with Carly.

She made him laugh, till tears rolled down his face and his stomach ached with pain and he couldn't stop. She was the only one that could make him loose his calm.

Their relationship was hazy, complex. He didn't understand it (but maybe he liked it that way). Nothing was ever clear cut with her.

She was unattainable.

She was beautiful (whether she knew it or not).

-

They're sitting in the iCarly studio waiting for Carly to come home.

"Yo Fred-o, can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah…shoot"

"What," she stops, "what happened to your dad?"

He stiffens.

She notices, and adds, in a one-time display of tact, "You don't have to answer if you don't want to…"

They sit in silence for a while.

"He left when I was kid…"

She doesn't reply, and after a while, he begins to think she never heard.

Just as he's about to say something, she says, "Mine too."

They never really sat down and had a good conversation before (did the kiss count?), and both are scrambling for words to say.

"It didn't really matter; mine wasn't that great of a dad anyway…" Sam speaks first.

"Oh," Freddie pauses, "mine was…mine was great, at least from what I remember, but I guess…" he trails off.

Sam awkwardly pats him on the shoulder.

He continues in a rush of feeling and emotion, "I guess he didn't love me or my mom enough to stay."

He stops, if he talks anymore he'll cry, and he doesn't want to cry in front of her.

"Well then, he missed out on a lot, and you deserved a better dad than that."

She states it simply, like it's a fact and he feels so thankful that Sam of all people would say something so nice to him that he really does start to cry (she always did make him loose his cool exterior).

She doesn't notice for a while, but when she does she stands up, pulling him up roughly, and he's afraid she's going to slap him or beat him up for crying, but instead, she hugs him.

In this moment, he is so grateful for her friendship, that the tears fly out faster than before and all he manages to choke out is a "Thanks for being here Sam".

"No problem." She says, and pats him on the back again before letting go.

They begin to think that maybe they are best friends after all.

-

He's kissed Carly now, and he probably thinks _their_ kiss was something stupid, something done just for the sake of it (he doesn't, but she's not going to ask), because now he's had a taste of Carly, and that's what he wanted, had pined over for so long, and he finally got it.

He's happy, oh yeah, he's happy. He's a teenage boy who's finally gotten the girl of his dreams, but of course _she's_ there to push him straight down into reality.

"Carly's not in love with you, she's in love with what you did."

Her voice, echoing in the corners of his brain; and he couldn't push it back no matter how hard he tried.

He's pissed at her. Why the hell did she have to ruin something so good for him? But deep down he knows she's just trying to save him from hurt, and he feels grateful for him and Sam's newfound friendship (was it there all along?).

She visits him after he breaks it off (but of course she's visited Carly first).

"I'm proud of you Fred-o."

"Why? You happy that you ruined my love life?!"

"You're kidding right?! I didn't want you to start crying after she broke it off with you once your casts were off…"

He knows she's right and he lets out a resigned sigh.

She pats him on the back.

"Hey, at least you proved _me_ wrong, Sam, _the ultimate assassin_, Carly actually kissed you, blinded by your heroics or not, she kissed you, and you proved me wrong, the geek got the girl…at least for a while…"

He laughs.

"Thanks for that sorry attempt at making me feel better."

She snorts, "Yeah, well savor it noob. I gotta go, go play Galaxy Wars on your x-box or something. "

He rolls his eyes, "Yeah, maybe I will."

"Alright, well, commence…"

She leaves with a wave of her hand in the direction of his gaming console and rolls herself ninja style over the carpet saying, "Sam out."

He lets out a hearty laugh and suddenly, he doesn't feel all that bad anymore.

Maybe he will play some Galaxy Wars now…

-

Carly's getting ready to go to the dance.

They watch as she gets ready, and mutually agree that she looks beautiful.

She leaves in a flurry of "goodbyes" and "don't kill each other's" and soon, all that's left is the smell of her flowery perfume.

"So, who's her date this time?"

"Josh? Jack? Joe? I can't remember, that one buff dude that sits behind her in chemistry, he's on the football team? Or is it basketball? I don't remember, she's got so many dudes lining up to date her that it's hard to keep track of them all."

He lets out a sigh.

She glances sideways at him.

"Hey dude, you already had a piece of Carly cake, and who knows, you might get to have another taste, but right now, she's wrapped up in this beef head, so let her have fun with him, have him break up with her, and you can be the shoulder for her to cry on."

"Yeah…yeah I guess, I just wish I could've gone to the dance."

"No one was stopping you."

"I would've looked like an idiot there alone while everyone else had a date."

"Dude, you always look like an idiot."

"Very funny Sam."

"Yeah yeah, let's just watch this movie."

It's a sci-fi movie, something they both like. It's one of his favorites, but tonight he can't concentrate on it.

"Dude, Freddie, what's up?" She pauses the movie; the image of an alien about to eat a human is frozen on the screen.

"I gotta go."

He grabs his coat and leaves the apartment and somehow, his feet find their way to the fire escape.

He sits on the stairs, thinking.

He hears a noise and turns to see Sam sitting down next to him.

"Dude, scoot over, don't hog the seat."

They sit in silence, Freddie staring blankly into space, and Sam watching him, with her elbows on her knees and her chin resting on her knuckles.

"So, you really like Carly, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do. It's just that tonight, I finally realized that Carly will never want me the way she wanted Griffin, or Shane or Jack, Joe, Jim, whatever his name is."

"Well, then it's her loss."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah, I mean, you care for her more than most guys, but dude, you need to realize that if Carly hasn't liked you for this long, and didn't make a move after you got your casts off and the "hero" phase wore off, then it's time you got over her Fred-o."

He feels as if a weight had been lifted, because it was true, there was no point in pining over someone who would never want him. His sudden revelation causes him to laugh.

"What?"

"You're right. Since when did you become good at giving advice Dr. Phil?"

"Yeah yeah, mama's gifted."

He wonders if there's more to Sam than meets the eye.

-

He's going to prom with Carly.

She had, for some reason, ended up without a date and had asked Freddie to go as friends.

_She's_ not going to prom. When the first announcements were made and the posters and banners were put up she scoffed, saying "Proms are for pansies."

She watches Carly get ready and she's glad that she doesn't have to stuff herself into a tight dress and high heels, they aren't her style. Glamour and sparkle are two things she's never cared for. He shows up at the apartment and she smiles at him (maybe she doesn't know it's there, but it is).

"Yo Benson, you look pretty good for a noob."

"Thanks Puckett, I like your cargos and the hole in your Converse."

She snorts.

"Get outta here."

She watches as Carly and Freddie get ready, snapping a few pictures to remember the night.

"Try to have fun without me guys, don't miss me too much."

They laugh simultaneously.

"We'll try."

Freddie holds open the door for Carly.

"After you my lady…"

"Why thank you kind sir."

She can hear their laughter and footsteps echoing down the hall and she feels a twinge of regret, but she doesn't dwell on it, she knows it's a waste of time.

She lounges around on the couch flipping through channels, but nothing good is on.

It hits her like a ton of bricks. Senior year is almost over, then what? Carly and Freddie have their futures planned out and she…she doesn't even know what she's going to do in the next five minutes. She begins to feel cramped in the small apartment; she needs fresh air.

She's out of the apartment and sitting on the steps of the fire escape in minutes. She watches the Seattle traffic and the smell of hot dog vendors is helping her think clearly. Everything would be fine.

She hears a tapping noise and turns. Freddie. She glances at her digital watch, the numbers flashing neon in the dark.

"Why are you back so early?"

"Well, Carly ended up dancing with Shane the whole time, and it wasn't much fun without you there making fun of couples on the dance floor, so, here I am…"

She nods, and he swings himself over the ledge and sits on the step below her.

"Dude, we're graduating soon…I can't believe it, it all passed by so fast."

"Yeah, I know. What's going to happen to iCarly?"

"We'll think about it when the time gets here, yeah?"

"Yeah…"

They sit on the stairs and he laughs, "Déjà vu."

She snorts, "Yeah…"

They're quiet for a while until he pulls out his Pear Pod and asks hesitantly, rubbing the back of his neck, "Sam, do you want to," he swallows, "do you want to dance?"

She looks at him, he's nervous that she's going to laugh in his face so he adds, "You know, since you didn't go to prom, I thought you might want to…"

"Yeah, sure…chill out, I'm not going to beat you up."

"Alright then…"

He stands up, rubbing his hands on his pants, wondering why they've suddenly begun sweating so much because it's just Sam (although his heart beat has quickened to twice its normal pace too).

He plugs the pod onto the dock that he keeps out on the escape.

They dance, and he wonders how something so wrong could feel this right.

She's in her cargos and beat up Converse, and he's in his suit and they're mismatched but there's something_ right_ about it.

They're about the same height, he's only an inch or so taller than her but she refuses to look at him. She's gazing at the sky and everywhere else but at him.

"Sam…"

"What?!"

She meets his gaze, but her face is expressionless.

They dance for a while longer, and the song ends. He doesn't know why, but he feels disappointed (_he knows why_, but doesn't want to believe it).

She's got one foot on the other side of the ledge when he stops her.

"Sam, wait…"

She turns and everything feels so cliché to her that she wants it to stop (but she really doesn't).

He's burning and she's on fire and their lips meet in a crash of emotion.

All he can think is that she tastes so good and he laughs as he catches the faint smell of ham.

All she can think is that he kisses her with so much force that maybe he did learn a thing or two from her.

Then, all they can think about is the rhythmic movement of their lips and how they really don't want to like this, but for some reason, they _love_ it.

They pull apart and she says with a snort, "How was that for déjà vu?"

He laughs, "Great, best déjà vu I've had."

She sits, unsure of what to do.

"So…" he breaks the silence, "want to have some more déjà vu?"

"You bet."

The sounds of their laughs swell and fill the air.

Maybe this dysfunctional relationship will be the death of them, will drive them to the brink of insanity, but they wouldn't have it any other way.

-

They begin to think that maybe "happy ever after" is real after all.


End file.
